I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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