Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
