Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
