no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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