i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
