I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
