I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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