am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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