Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
