yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
