I cockslap morals
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize