All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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