This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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