I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
