I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
