now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize