capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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