These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
