So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
