Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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