Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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