yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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