I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
