I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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