everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
