Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I touched a dick in church today
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