I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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