the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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