this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
