we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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