im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
