What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
