Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I touched a dick in church today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
