Duck Duck Cougar?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
