He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
