just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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