Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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