my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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