she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
