I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
