i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is the high leading the old right now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
