That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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