You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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