he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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