I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
