last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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