Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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