I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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