hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i need some magic done to my vagina
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
