my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
