Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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