Having a random hookup so left but love u
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
