the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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