I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
