well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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