he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
