Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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