My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
