pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm really busy with my period
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