I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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