Where is the hickey?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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