I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We left an ass print on the piano.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
