direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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