And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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