i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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