Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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