sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
