if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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