If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize