my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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