How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
