She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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