you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
