Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
