At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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